How to Define Success for yourself from Eight Billion Choices By Indra Raj Pathak

Опубликовано: 09 Сентябрь 2022
на канале: ILLUMINATION Substack Mastery

Success is the most sought-after achievement in the life of Homo Sapiens. A child is brought up being fed old and new success stories. Parents feel some stories may appeal to the child, which may become strong enough to become a goal of his life.

I grew up in a very well-educated family. My mother and father taught me to follow my inner voice for choosing a career in life. Although I knew the choice of my father for my career, he wanted me to join Administrative Services.

To honour the wish of my father I sat in the Competitive Test but could not qualify on the first attempt. Instead, I got a chance to be an officer in the paramilitary force but both my father and mother opposed it. I joined the teaching profession as it was the need of the time at that turning point of my life. It was my situation that led me to this profession but soon a call from inside guided me to develop a passion to enjoy it. During my two and half decade career, I headed three schools and mentored hundreds of teachers.

People believe that someone else’s success is a model to follow. But it doesn’t seem to be true. Neither can we borrow success nor lend. People who define their own values and explore their own success are true success heroes.
Four things to prove success are personal

Some believe in miracles and overnight success. Others wrestle with the outcome of ceaseless efforts towards a successful goal. People have fixed a criterion to evaluate success in terms of money, power, respect and dignity, achieved and possessed.

In fact, success is a very personal matter. You need to choose your own conditions and the way how to achieve them. Others can’t dictate to you.
1. It can’t be imposed on our children.

So often parents try to live vicariously through their kids and force them to be or live the way they could not. This robs the children of their agency and right to self-actualize. A superb version of this is told with great sadness in Dead Poet’s Society when a young boy who badly wants to be an actor is bullied by his father to take another career path and ends up taking his life.

So many of us don’t realize how we rob our children of their right to find their own expression of success when we shove at them to succeed at sports or medicine or whatever WE might have wanted for ourselves. We fail to realize at the moment that our definition of success could never match with another. Success is an outcome of what we possess inside and that can never be the same in two persons.

Khalil Gibran said it best, that our children are arrows that we send out. We cannot do not have the right to cripple them.

2. It means something different to each one of us.

For some, sheer survival. For others, the survival of endangered species. For others, surviving another day in quarantine with an abusive partner. The measurements anyone has for success, might relate, might not relate to anyone who does not share our circumstances.

To me, it offers tremendous grace to accept where anyone is in life, our conditions, and what is available to us. All of these guide what success may look like.

People look at success as an ultimate achievement. They are eager to learn from others’ success journeys which may hardly help them on the road to success. Because it can be changed from individual to individual, the mindset and the circumstances.

If you feel comfortable, and you feel happy and successful at your job, then that’s a success. You define that as success, and then that’s a success. Success is not a general thing. It’s a personal attribute. —Lupe Fiasco

3. It is unique.

Each of us defines success uniquely. Living in a big city may be a dream for some but for others a nightmare. Money, power, pomp and show attract many but not all. The kind of companionship is inspiring for some but suffocating for others. Both are right. That’s the soul of diversity.
4. It cannot be emulated.

You can find nine out of ten people with no goal. People follow the footprints of some so-called successful person. What is the result of pursuing others’ success goals? What is the success rate of following successful people? Many of us know, that it is far far below the level of satisfaction.

A blind chase after success, cannot make you successful until you make your own purpose and goal clear to fuel you.

We sometimes judge others’ circumstances in the light of our own. Allowing each to find his own path to determine what they experience as a happy, even a triumphant life, is the epitome of grace.

The bottom line is that success is hard to pin down because it can’t be emulated. It’s just that ‘unique thing’ that we can neither share nor compare but only build up our own. It is a personal blessing to follow our inner voice and create our own success story with a message to our children to do the same.

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